Auditions: "Fun Home"


BRUCE/ROY

ROY
Whoa. Nice room.

BRUCE
So this is the wallpaper. William Morris. The real deal. God, it’s gorgeous.

ROY
You read all these books?

BRUCE
Working on it.

ROY
That is not something I can imagine.

BRUCE
Yes, I remember from class you are not much of a reader.

ROY
Nope. Read some good books in your class, though.

BRUCE
My job is to make it interesting.  (a beat) Sit down. Take a load off.

ROY
I’ve been working. I’m disgusting. Don’t want to sweat all over your stuff.

BRUCE
What are you talking about? It’s furniture, for chrissakes. Go ahead. Stretch out if you want.

ROY
This place is like a museum. (Noticing a carafe) What’s this stuff?

BRUCE
Sherry. Want some?

ROY
Is it good?

BRUCE
Yeah.

ROY
OK. Sure. I remember this house before you moved in. We used to ride our bikes over here when we were kids. You’ve done a shitload of work.

BRUCE
I did. By myself, most of it.

ROY
You must be in good shape, old man.

BRUCE
Not too bad if I do say so myself. I might still break a heart or two. You’d be surprised what a guy my age still knows how to do. (holding the sherry back) What it?

ROY
Yeah.

BRUCE
(holding the sherry back) Unbutton your shirt.

ROY
Is that your wife playing piano?

BRUCE
Don’t worry about her.


JOAN/ALISON

JOAN
Who’s this in the photo?

MED ALISON
My dad.

JOAN
That’s your DAD?

MED ALISON
Yeah.

JOAN
He looks cool. He sends you books to read on top of your schoolwork?

MED ALISON
Yeah.

JOAN
That’s a little weird.

MED ALISON
Why?

JOAN
I don’t know. Like, what books?

MED ALISON
Like…..

JOAN
Colette?

MED ALISON
Yeah.

JOAN
Your father sent you Colette?

MED ALISON
Yeah. Why?

JOAN
I don’t know. It’s just…He’s just like the opposite of my dad. He’s just like sending you lesbian books?

MED ALISON
No! I mean, yes, I guess Colette was a lesbian, but….

JOAN
Oh, she was.

MED ALISON
OK, but he sent it to me because he thought I’d be interested in the whole Paris….Arts….Bohemian….Scene.

JOAN
Yeah, but he didn’t send you a book about Toulouse-Latrec, he sent you Colette. I think it’s amazing that he’s cool with you being a dyke.

MED ALISON
What? I don’t think so.

JOAN
Oh, he’s not?

MED ALISON
No. I don’t know. Can we talk about something else?

JOAN
Sure. Why?

MED ALLISON
Because – I have no idea how my parents feel about – I just figured it out myself.

JOAN
Oh.


HELEN

He bought that old house out on Route 150. Did he tell you that? Years ago he talked about buying it and he looked it over and said it wasn’t worth it, it was too far gone and that was back then so I don’t know why now that it’s even more broken down he’s decided he can fix it up. I’m sure he can. He’s out there day and night, like a maniac, not eating, I don’t think he’s sleeping. Sometimes I walk into a room and he’s standing there, not moving, frozen, like a statue. (beat) I’m sick of it. I’m sick of cooking for him and I’m sick of cleaning this museum. You know, shortly after we were married we took a drive from Germany where we were living to Paris. He wanted me to meet an old Army buddy of his. We had a beautiful drive. And then, just outside Paris, he just went crazy. Just started screaming at me. Why couldn’t I read a simple fucking map? I was a stupid, worthless bitch. I was dumbfounded. I was terrified – it came out of nowhere as far as I knew. Of course, I learned later that the man had been your father’s lover.


ALISON

 (She is sitting down to cartoon and write as she remembers staying with her father in his tiny Greenwich Village apartment)

 It’s only writing. It’s only drawing. I’m remembering something, that’s all. (She begins) Caption…Caption…uh…Clueless in New York. In denial in New York. Family Fun in New York. Child Neglect in New York. I don’t know….(She focuses her attention on recalling and drawing details from the apartment) Okay….sleeping bags. Shopping bags. Window was open. Really hot. Stinky – no, no…..Humectant. “The humectant air.” Something on “The humectant air.” Good phrase, Okay, good. ( a beat) Oh, my sleeping bag. I loved that sleeping bag. Kids in Bags. And….four locks on the front door. Amazing. Oh yeah. Coat hooks with jackets piled like …..twenty deep on one coat hook. Crazy. Oh, yes, that basket with the Village Voices. Caption: Dad goes out. Dad gets a newspaper. Dad goes…cruising? Dad picks up a hustler? No he didn’t. Maybe he did. I don’t really know. Who knows?